This is the last 15 min. of work and there is nothing left to do at work.
The semester just started but i feel myself getting stressed about the few things that are on my to do list. Most of them are not even school related.
Its hard to explain how stressed looking at these things can make me feel. its almost like an out of body experience or something feeling the wave of stress start. whats worse is i want to put off all the things i need to do and just crawl into bed and sleep till its over. obviously that is not helpful when trying to overcome the stress, and tends to make things worse. I am ready to get out of this place where i am chronically stressed all the time and get back to the place where i felt like i could handle things. i am starting to doubt that i can even get back there. adding to the problem is the fact that i am no longer insured and i cant get more of the medicine that i need. damn you prescriptions. hopefully my mom and i can sort out the whole insurance thing soon. we'll see. i am sitting here at work getting all tense about things i need to do that wont even take that much time. its too bad more things cant be worked out on the Internet. if i could just print this damn form online life would be so much happier. i just need to close my eyes and remember to breathe.
why am i putting these things off? don't i realize that getting them done would be easier? how many times can i write them down before i am considered crazy. and why does just writing them down make me so stressed in the first place? I wish i had a personal assistant who would take care of tasks like this for me, and wouldn't question why i need them to do it. unfortunately that would take money, which i don't have. i like being able to ask trey to do things, but so far he just brings it up later in an argument. i don't expect him to understand how i am feeling, but when i plead for him to do something and then he makes fun of me later, or says something hurtful about it, i find myself wanting to ask him for help (the same help he swears he will give me). i need a partner who will help me take care of things especially when i really need him to. even if its illogical.
more to the point. i feel like i haven't been on top of things/my life since about may 2007. that is a pretty long time if you think about it.
sorry about the depressing post.
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1 comment:
heya. you've been helping us out so much lately; can't even begin to express how much it means to us.
you need anything? let me know. i'll do what i can. promise ^.^
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